SpongeBob SexPants
by doctorgryffindor
Summary: How had Spongebob never noticed how gorgeous Sandy was before? Now, that's all he can think about, and he may just have to do something about it.
1. A Day at Goo Lagoon

PRELUDE

~ A distinctly French voice speaks from the heavens. _**"Ah, Goo Lagoon, a place for friends and family to relax, bask in the sun, and- Oh! What's this?!"**_ On one end of the lagoon, away from everybody else, two fish kiss each other fervently, as their fins explore each others bodies.

The female fish, Tina, slowly and softly brings her fin down to Scooter's swimming trunks, pulling them down to expose what is underneath. She grips onto his manhood and strokes in a smooth, repetitive motion. "You like that, baby?" Tina says in a sweet, innocent-sounding voice.

"Oh, this is righteous, dude." Scooter responds in his surfer-vernacular. Tina's strokes pick up speed as Scooter, weak throughout his body, places his fins on the sand behind him so he won't fall over. _Fwap, fwap, fwap, fwap, fwap._ He can barely take it. She increases her speed even further. _Fwap, fwap, fwap, fwap, fwap, fwap. _"Woahh, hold on dude, I don't know how long I can la-" Immediately, Scooter is cut off by his own cum, as he experiences what he and his surfer friends call: high tide. His love spurts out into the lagoon as he falls backward in ecstasy.

"**Well,"** the French Narrator continues. _**"I guess that's why they call it Goo Lagoon." **_~

Chapter One: A Day at Goo Lagoon

Far away from the antics of Tina and Scooter, two close friends approach the beach. Sandy Cheeks, the scientist squirrel in an astronaut-ish suit, carries a retractable tent and two small lounge chairs with her. Spongebob, on the other hand, carries two pool noodles and a gigantic sand-castle making kit. Their ideas of "a day at the beach" are clearly different. They set up the tent in an un-populated spot, and worn out from the work, they sit down to catch their breath. "Whew-wee," says Sandy, in her texas-tongue. "It's hotter out today than hickory-smoked sausage!" She leans back on her lounge chair. "But maybe that's good. I'll fin'lly get a tan." Spongebob looks at her strangely.

"But Sandy, how on Earth are you gonna get a tan while you're wearing that space-suit." He gestures to the hard, metallic contraption that Sandy bears.

"I've told ya, Spongebob, it's not a space-suit. It's a Pressurized-Oxygenated Breathin' Chamber."

"Well, I still don't see how you're supposed to get a tan in it." Spongebob shakes his head just thinking about it.

"Well, prepare to have your spongey-brain blown!" Sandy says as she pulls out a small, circular device from her purse. It's definitely high-tech and glowing as such. She places it on her left glove and it immediately begins making a harsh, beeping sound. "You might want to stand back!" Starting with her left glove, the device spreads out, covering her whole body in a thin metal sheet, then…_POP! _Sandy's entire suit pops off of her and collapses into the small disk, leaving Sandy scantily-clad in her purple-and-green bikini. Covering her entire body, though, is an extremely thin substance. It's so thin, in fact, it's almost invisible to the eye. "Ta-da!" She says as Spongebob looks at her in awe.

"Wow, Sandy! How are you still breathing without your suit?!"

"It's my latest invention! It's able to compact my suit into this disk and cover my body in a very thin latex-material that continuously pumps air into my body!" Sandy attempts to explain through techno-babble.

"Well, I didn't understand one bit of that, but it sure is cool!" Spongebob says in response.

"It's like... a giant invisible condom." Sandy says, laughing. Spongebob's face turns bright red as he becomes flustered. Spotting his embarrassment, Sandy tries to explain. "Oh, you know! It protects me from drowning." Her explanation was of no use, as Spongebob had stopped listening long ago. Never, in a million years, did he think Sandy, of all people, would say something so dirty and so adult. The word echoed in his brain… _condom, condom, condom_\- "The best part is, you can still feel my fur through it! See?" Sandy lays a paw on Spongebob's side. He looks around for somewhere to run.

"Ah, well that's really neat." Spongebob says, trying to remain cool. He backs away, slowly. His eyes scan over the beach and… a-ha! The lagoon! "Well, I better be off! The lagoon's not gonna swim itself!" He preps to run off, at full-speed. "I'm ready!" He shouts as he starts to run toward the lagoon.

"Wait!" Sandy shouts, causing him to screech to a halt. "Aren't ya gonna help me with my tannin' oil?" She holds up the oil bottle. He looks at her wide-eyed, blushing embarrassingly.

"Uh, I don't know, Sandy." He says back to her. "I mean… Isn't it kind of weird you want to TAN anyway? I mean, you have fur! What's it even gonna do for-"

"Oh, you make fires underwater, Squarepants! Now come over here and oil me up!" Spongebob approaches her, reluctantly, as she lays face down on the lounge chair. "Here." She says as she hands him the bottle. "You do the back first, then I'll do the front." He stares blankly at her back, holding the bottle in his hand. This definitely wasn't what he had in mind for today. His eyes drift from the top of her head, down past the strap of her bikini top, all the way down to her tight green bikini bottoms. As Spongebob stares at her behind, which is barely contained in her bottoms, he thinks to himself… there's definitely a reason they call her Sandy Cheeks. Her bottom is perfectly taut and round, like two hypnotizing orbs, drawing him closer and closer and- "Well come on, Spongebob! The sun ain't gonna shine all day!"

"Uh," Spongebob snaps back to reality. "Okay Sandy." He squirts some of the tanning oil into his hands and starts applying it to her shoulders. He very cautiously moves his hands around her upper back, spreading the oil around. Sandy sighs and crinkles her back.

"You can be a little rougher than that, you know?" Sandy tells him. With no choice, Spongebob lays his hands down on her shoulders and presses his palms forward, massaging the oil onto her. "Mmm…" Sandy hums as she continues to be massaged. He digs his palms down deeper, pressing his thumbs down as well. "Lower." Spongebob squirts a good amount of oil into his hands once more, and works to massage the middle of her back. The back strap of her bikini top, he finds, is really getting in the way.

"Uh, Sandy…"

"Oh, just unclasp it. It's alright." Sandy replies. Spongebob gulps, eyeing the back strap. He moves his fingers over to the strap and very carefully un-clasps it. The two sides of the strap fall down on her sides as Spongebob basks in the sight of Sandy's bare back. He resumes lathering the oil onto her body. He lets his hands feel all around her back, feeling the fur fall through the spaces between his fingers. So soft, and… he thought, so beautiful. How had he never seen Sandy in this light before? He always knew her to be smart. Probably the smartest person he knows, he thought. She was definitely strong too, frequently beating him when they duel in karate. But... beautiful? Now, that's something that never crossed his mind. Right now, however, he felt that it was the only word that could adequately describe her. Other than, of course: _womanly_.

"Little too low there, Squarepants," Sandy says, as he realizes- his hands are on her bottom! Immediately, he throws his hands up and off of her, in complete embarrassment. Sandy brings her hands behind her as she re-clasps the back of her bikini top. She sits up and faces Spongebob, who hides his face from her, shamefully.

"Oh, Sandy, I'm sorry," He says. "I just wasn't thinking, and-"

"Oh, stop your crying, little square dude!" Sandy smiles at him. "We're good."

Spongebob relaxes a little, uncovering his face. "Okay," He smiles back at her. "Well, I think I'm gonna make some sand castles."

"Do your thing, buddy." As Spongebob begins filling his plastic bucket with sand, Sandy lies back and throws on a pair of sunglasses, taking in the sun. Little did they know that both of their minds were racing, thinking about the other.


	2. Patrick's Rock

Chapter Two: Patrick's Rock

"Firmly grasp it!" Patrick shouts at Princess Mindy, who in response, grips his erect pink penis tightly. Princess Mindy is royalty, the mermaid-daughter of King Neptune, the ruler of the sea. Additionally, she is strikingly beautiful, a result of her mother being a siren. She would have no problem finding a handsome Prince Charming-type to sweep her away. So why is it, she thought, that she ended up in such a ratty, low-class place like Patrick's Rock, performing sexual acts on a commoner?

Maybe she was just tired of playing by her father's rules. "Mindy," He would say. "Prince Flounder has travelled all across the Pacific to court you today. Go with him, and do as he wishes." Well Prince Flounder was fifty years old, balding (like her father), and really into butt-stuff. No way would she dare spend the rest of her life with him. But is this really what fuels her frequent urge to sleep with Patrick? No, she thought, it must be something else entirely.

He has the bravery of a knight, of course, having traveled from Shell City to get the crown, save the town, and Mr. Krabs… but in no way does he bear any kind of shining armor. He is fat, to say the least, and smells like dirty socks. And worst of all, his level of intelligence is comparable only to the coral flooring that lined the ballroom in her castle. She is better than this, she thought, and most certainly shouldn't be here. But, on the other hand, Patrick is crazy about her. She knows that her mere presence in his rock, is enough to make him rock-hard. And surprisingly, while he is in no way physically attractive, he loves her gently and tenderly… almost like a teddy bear, if that teddy bear had an eight-inch penis of course. Yes, it was eight-and-some-inches alright, and could last an astonishingly long time. Best of all, Mindy thought to herself, he cuddles afterward. Prince Flounder would never.

And so, she's crouched down, jerking off Patrick Star. Forward, her hand moves up his shaft, and then backward, all the way down. Back and forth, she strokes his cock, as Patrick breathes heavily in uncontainable ecstasy. "Oh, Neptune," Patrick mumbles, causing Mindy to stop her stroking completely.

"Patrick," Mindy says. "What have I told you about saying my dad's name during sex?"

"I'm sorry!" Patrick replies. "You know, some girls are into the whole daddy-thing. I just thought maybe you-"

"Just," She takes a deep breath. "Stop talking." And _SHLURP_, goes the sound she makes as she engulfs Patrick's penis into her mouth. She sucks him up and down, bobbing her head in a steady, metrical motion. As she continues blowing Patrick, she brings her hand down to the front of her mermaid's tail. By a spell of her mermaid magic, her long tail begins emitting a bright light and millions of sparkles fly out and shimmy down her, revealing human legs where her tail used to be. Now, by her hand, lies a perfectly human pussy. She slides a finger into her precious folds, slipping them in and out at an even pace. "Mmmpffh…" Mindy moans over Patrick's cock as she pleasure herself. As she becomes increasingly more horny, her bobbing on Patrick picks up speed, rapidly.

"Oh, Mindy…." Patrick breathes deeply. "This is so much better than jerking off."

"Oh, I bet," she attempts to say in response, but it is muffled. So, instead she says, "Mmm, mmm, mmpfh." She continues to masturbate, fingering her slippery folds. One finger isn't quite cutting it, she thinks, maybe two will do the trick. While she adds a second player to her pleasure, Patrick lays his hands down on her head, pulling her up and down at an even greater speed.

"Faster, faster, faster!" Patrick shouts. Up and down, goes Mindy's head, and up and down and up… Her eyes flutter mindlessly as she pleasures both herself and Patrick. _Shlick, shlick, shlick, shlick._ Mindy, who is usually quite apt at thinking, finds herself losing all cognitive function. Her mind seems to only be able to process one word at a time, and currently that word was: _fuuuuuuuuuck_. Patrick was focused on only one thing as well, unloading in the Princess's mouth. He was getting extremely close. As her sucking reaches maximum speed, Patrick starts to shout, "Oh…. I'm…. gonna…. CUM!" and _spluuurt_, he does. The still mindless Mindy's mouth is filled with Patrick's warm love and she swallows it all. She's not done working on herself, though.

Mindy finally unlatches her mouth from Patrick's penis as she leans backward and grinds her pussy forward, still fingering herself. "Oh!" she squeals. "Oh! Oh! Oh!" Patrick watches her, breathlessly. She grinds and grinds until finally… she climaxes! "Ahhhh," she exhales, smiling. "Come here and kiss me you big, pink doofus." She hops onto Patrick and straddles him, kissing him deeply. They both fall back onto Patrick's bed as their tongues intertwine with one another. Suddenly, he stops and looks into her eyes, lovingly.

"I love you," Patrick says, much to Mindy's surprise. Not knowing quite how to respond to that, she bites her lip and looks down.

"Well, Patrick, I-"

_DING-DONG _chimes the doorbell. Mindy thinks to herself, "Whew, saved by the bell!"

"Huh. I didn't know I had a doorbell," Patrick says as Mindy removes herself from him. "I better go see who it is."

"Oh, well," Mindy starts. "I should probably go then." Saddened, Patrick frowns. "Aw, come on, Patrick! You know it wouldn't look good for us to be seen together like this… it could cause a scandal! My dad would kill me." Patrick turns away from her, nodding his head in reluctant agreement. "But, you know what?" He turns back to her. "I love you too." They share a smile with one another. "Now, do you have a back door?"

_~** A Few Moments Later** ~_

_DING-DONG. DING-DONG._ After around two minutes ringing, Patrick finally answers the door to find his best friend, Spongebob, looking worried. "Uh, hey Spongebob, what's going on?"

Spongebob walks into Patrick's house, shaking his head. "Girls, Patrick,"

"What about them?" Patrick asks.

"I don't get it," Spongebob says. "Growing up, we're taught that girls are icky and gross, but then you get to high school, and all of a sudden… you're supposed to love 'em! It just doesn't make any sense!"

Patrick thinks for a moment before replying, "Uh, I think girls are pretty cool."

"Well, I don't."

Patrick, processing this, gets wide-eyed all at once and backs away from Spongebob. "Oh no, I think I know what this is about."

"What?" asks Spongebob.

"I can't believe this is happening, and to my own best friend!"

"What?!"

"I mean, Squidward, that I can see… but Spongebob! My BFF! How can this be happening to me?!" Patrick wails.

Spongebob, visibly frustrated, yells, "What?! Just tell me!"

Patrick takes a deep breath…. "You're gay."

"Oh, no!" Spongebob shouts. "No, no, no, no… that's not it at all. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that! But it's just… no… I'm not gay, Patrick."

"Well, how do you know you're not, Spongebob?!" Patrick questions him. "I mean that explains all the bubble-blowing and the way you dress!"

"What's wrong with the way I dress?" Spongebob asks.

"Well, I don't know," Patrick says. "But it definitely doesn't help your case." Patrick starts pacing around. "I just- well, I can't believe this!"

"Patrick," Spongebob says. "I promise you, I'm not gay, okay?"

"And give me one good reason to believe you're not." Patrick replies.

"Because I like Sandy!" As soon as he says it, he covers his mouth. After their day at the beach, he had been unable to keep her off his mind. When he woke up, he would think of her. When he went to sleep, he would dream of her. And when he was in the shower…. No, he couldn't dare think of it. His feelings must be all screwed up. It was strange enough to come to terms with the fact that Sandy was beautiful, but now, another word came to Spongebob's mind and echoed through his head all day long…. Sandy is_ sexy_. He knew it was true and it scared him. Patrick gave him a big hug.

"Oh, thank God," Patrick cries. "I thought that we lost you there, buddy."

"Patrick, there's nothing wrong with being gay."

"Nope, enough about that," Patrick says. "Tell me about Sandy. When did you realize you liked her?"

"Well," Spongebob pondered. "I'm not really sure. I mean, I've always admired her, you know? She's smart, funny, athletic-"

"And sexy!" Patrick shouts.

"Well, yeah," he replies. "That too. I mean, I don't know. The other day, we were at Goo Lagoon, and I just… saw her in a different way." He sits down on Patrick's couch, as he explains. "Almost like I was seeing her for the very first time."

Patrick takes the seat next to him and throws an arm around him, brotherly. "Let me tell you something, Spongebob," He starts. "I think you need to get laid."

"Ew, Patrick-"

"Now, Spongebob, here me out," he continues. "Sandy is a mammal. Those things are hot-blooded… and horny as fuck." At his cursing, Spongebob shifts away uncomfortably. "I think the only real option you have here is to go over to her tree-dome and have sex with her right now."

"But, Patrick," Spongebob says. "I haven't even had my first kiss."

"Then start with that! It's a base-system, Spongebob. You start with base one, move to base two, then pretty soon you've got yourself a touchdown!" Patrick laughs. "Honestly, Spongebob, you should go over there and tell her how you feel."

"Like… ask her on a date?"

"Exactly!" Patrick replies. "But you should do it as soon as you can. I know Larry the Lobsters' had his eyes on her for awhile."

"Oh no!" Spongebob shouts. "You're right. I better go and ask her out while I still have a chance! Thanks Patrick!" He starts out the door but is suddenly stopped by Patrick.

"Wait," He says. "Remember: when in doubt, pinky out." And with that, Spongebob was on his way.


	3. Tea at the Treedome

Chapter Three: Tea at the Treedome

Today was a special day for Sandy Cheeks, as it was the day that she would finalize her latest, and greatest invention.. It was a massive, super-computer with a plethora of buttons, levers, and knobs. Even Sandy, herself, would have trouble keeping track of what all of these gadgets would do, and she was the one who made it! Finally, after weeks of work, she is able to put down the final touches on her machine. "And… voila!" she exclaims, to herself. She yawns, extending out her arms. She's been up for the last three nights, working on this thing without stopping. "I think it's about time for an iced tea, and a bubble bath." And so, she was off to her treehouse to relax.

She's dressed in her every-day attire: her infamous purple and green bikini. Some fish were known to walk past her tree-dome over and over again, just to get another glance at her body. Maybe, if they were lucky, she'd be bent over as she works on her latest project, and they'd get a nice, long look at her perfectly-shaped ass. More than once, did she have to tell some old angler-fish to beat it, and get off her property. Oh, they had been beating it, alright, but they didn't leave so easily. Despite this, though, Sandy didn't shy away from her signature-look. It was extremely comfortable for her, especially on the days where the sun scorched down onto her house. Her dome actually made the heat worse, working like a giant magnifying glass to make her domain extremely hot and extremely dry. She was happy with this, though, as it was her escape from the seemingly endless sea that surrounded her. And so, she dressed proudly in her bikini. No old, perverted fish was going to stop her.

Now, though, was the time for her to take it off. Sandy turns the knob in her bathtub, which begins running cool water. Oh, how refreshing this was going to be, she thought. Off came her purple bikini top, almost immediately. It lays very tightly on her breasts for most of the day, so it made her quite happy to release her two girls out into the open. For a moment, she brought her hands up to them, and felt them. She felt their round, plump shape and grazed over her areolas and the soft buds of her nipples. It felt so good to let them free from her tight top. Next came her bottoms, which she slid down her legs swiftly, revealing her most personal areas. Her vagina, surrounded by fur, was surprisingly tight and small, having never been used. Of course, she had been on dates before, and she loved to tease and flirt with boys… she obviously had no shame in her body. But never had she ever committed to having sex with anyone. Meaningless sex, she thought, would distract from her work. No, it would only be worth it to her if it was with the right person.

As the water fills up the tub almost completely, the now bare Sandy steps into the bath. She leans backward and spreads out, taking up all of the space in the tub. "Ah…" she says. "Just what I needed." She reaches over to grab her glass of iced tea, complete with a little umbrella peeking out of the top. This, she thought, is the epitome of relaxation. After sitting up to take another sip of her iced tea, she places it down on the counter beside her, lies back, and closes her eyes. She hadn't slept in days… maybe a quick nap could do her some good.

_~** A Few Hours Later** ~_

"Sandy!" Spongebob shouted, as he entered her bedroom… where her bathroom door stood completely open. Directly in front of him, was Sandy, completely and utterly naked, lying in a bath. He couldn't belive what he was seeing. Her two bloomed breasts, her bare curved waist, and most spectacularly- her precious, small pussy. She opens her eyes ever-so-slightly, waking up from her nap. Something must've woken her up, she thought, groggily attempting to sit up. As she comes to, a figure appears before her eyes… Spongebob. Staring at her naked body.

"Oh my God," she stands up and desperately grabs for a towel. Spongebob stares wide-eyed. "Spongebob, what the hell are you doing!"

"I, uh-" he can't seem to find the words, as he continues looking at her in disbelief. "I just, uh-" Now wrapped up in a towel, Sandy pins him up against the wall.

"Spit it out, Squarepants!" Sandy says with a scowl on her face. "What are you doing, watching me while I sleep?" She looks down and notices a round bulge in the center of his square pants. She grabs onto the bulge, gripping it tightly. "Does it turn ya on, spyin' on me like that?!" Spongebob lets out a whimper. "How about this?! How does this feel?!" She gives it a rough yank. "Squirrels are known for cracking nuts, ya know!" Finally, mostly out of fear, he's able to gather his thoughts.

"I just needed to talk to you! I didn't know you were taking a bath!" He explains, frantically. She lets go of his bulge and instead places both hands on his arms, keeping him pinned to the wall.

"You let yourself into my house!" Sandy replies. "With the key I gave you for emergencies only!"

"Well, I had an emergency!"

"Well, what is so important that you had to barge into my house and interrupt my privacy?!"

"I like you!" he yells out, and immediately starts crying. Sandy, all at once, takes her pressure off of him. She turns away from him, shaking her head.

"Spongebob…" she starts, rubbing her eyes, exasperatedly. "That's not an emergency."

"Well, I thought it was." Spongebob replies. "I mean… it was really important for me to let you know how I feel."

"And you couldnt've called me? Asked me on a date like a normal person?"

"Well," he says. "If there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that I'm not normal." He crouches down on the floor, hugging his knees. "Everyone I've ever known has told me that. From Squidward, to Mrs. Puff, to Mr. Krabs…" Sandy looks back at him. "I mean, who else do you know that wears square pants. They don't make them like this, you know? I have to get them custom-made."

"You're getting off track."

"Right," he takes a breath before continuing. "The point is, I know I always have a weird way of going about these things, but I'm okay with that. That's what makes me who I am." He musters the courage to stand up and speak proudly. "So, Sandy, I'm sorry for violating your privacy… but I'm not at all sorry I came over here. I am just crazy about you, and I thought that you should know that." He starts walking out the door. "Now, I'll leave you be."

"No, Spongebob, wait," she says, stopping him. "What you did was mighty stupid." To this, Spongebob frowns.

"I know."

"But," Sandy continues. "I suppose the fact of the matter is… I'm crazy about you too." A beat passes, where neither of them speak. Finally, Spongebob processes what she's said.

"Really?!" he shouts, jumping up and down. "Really, really, really, really, really?!"

"Really," she says. "Quirks and all." Spongebob grins, widely, and gives her a squeezing hug.

"I'm so, so happy you feel that way!" He moves in for a kiss.

"Well, hold on, partner," Sandy replies, removing him from her. "I'm not some horny jack-rabbit, ready to pounce on anything that moves." She crosses her arms. "I believe there's a method to everything… including love. So if we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it right." She shoos him out of her house. "So you're gonna leave here right now and come back at seven-'o'-clock on the dot to take me out to dinner. Ya got that, Squarepants?"

"Yes sir," he stumbles. "I mean ma'am! I mean boss! I mean pooh-bah!"

"Go!" Sandy yells to him as he runs off. "And book us a table somewhere nice!" And he was on his way.


End file.
